Couples’ Conflict Alchemy

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When nothing else is working...

How Do You Move Though This Situation?

In every relationship there are disagreements. But in some relationships, the flow of disagreement gets stuck, words are said or not said, and the relationship starts to break down. There can be a lot of hurt when relationships break down. When the hurt gets too great, people tend to seek out ways to retaliate rather than repair.

But as we know, perpetuating hurt only creates more hurt. It drives a deeper wedge of separation, which ultimately affects children too. 


Terri and Shaun, S.

My husband and I had tried other marriage and self-help services over the past couple of years. We wanted to see if our marriage could be saved. We heard about Conflict Alchemy through a friend and thought we had nothing to lose. Virginia explained that this process would not be easy. She was right. It took us into some really painful areas of our lives, but in doing so we were able to see why we reacted to each other the way we did and how we could benefit from this. We are still working on it, but at least we understand what’s going on between us. It has bought us closer together.

John, C.

I highly recommend Conflict Alchemy for couples thinking of separating. Whilst my wife and I did separate in the end, which is not easy for anyone, we were able to move through the process with dignity and understanding. We learned why we were attracted to each other in the first place, which really helped us have a greater appreciation for how this relationship was formed in the first place.

Carol, D.

I made an appointment to see Virginia because I couldn’t move forward with my life. I felt stuck in a bad business partnership. I felt intimidated and powerless to change anything. After just two appointments I was able to see why I my old business partner terrified me. When I understood this, I was able to see the whole relationship differently. It was still difficult to move forward, but seeing life from this way certainly made it easier than I thought. I know I won’t go on to make the same mistakes again.

Susan, B.

I have suffered from an eating disorder for as long as I can remember. Virginia’s conflict alchemy process showed me that I had been unable to set boundaries for myself, and that overeating was a just a way that I could feel safe. Her compassion and care helped me to see how this happened in my life. I have lost weight and feel so much better. Thank-you, Virginia.

Paul J.

I was surprised to see a lawyer care so much about my feelings. I learned so much about myself and why my life wasn’t working for me. Virginia showed me that there was actually nothing wrong with me. All I need to learn was how the choices I made helped me become empowered.

Julie, B.

I have always wondered why my partners left me. I came to see Virginia about a relationship breakdown and she took me through her Conflict Alchemy process. In just one session with her I realised that due to an event in my childhood, I couldn’t deal with being abandoned. This realisation made me feel like a huge wait was lifted off my shoulders. I feel so much better. I highly recommend this process if you feel like something is weighing you down.


Let’s first consider the nature of people. As human beings have needs that we expect to be met. Some of these needs we can meet ourselves. But because we are social creatures by nature, some needs we expect to be met within our close relationships. Companionship and trust are some examples of the needs you might have. 

Before we look at whether a particular person can satisfy our needs, we should first look at whether our expectations at getting those needs met from that particular person are realistic. 

Expectations in relationships are most usually developed in childhood. This makes sense because the relationship with the adults in your life were your training ground about how human relationships work. For instance, you may have been taught at an early age only to speak when spoken to, or, that it’s not okay to cry. 

They are now lessons you have gained from the past that run firmly fixed programs in your mind. You take this childhood programming with you into your adult life and the relationships that you form. 

These programs run subconsciously, meaning that most of the time you are not aware that they are in the background working away.

When our needs are not met, we feel bad. If we expect our partner to meet those needs, and they don’t, then we feel unloved. We think all sorts of negative thoughts as a result, and then we sometimes react with a response that our partner may not understand. Those are the subconscious programs you are running. Your partner’s perceived lack of understanding results from the subconscious programs they are running. 

Once you understand how this works, you will see past the things that are so-called ‘wrong’ with each other and the relationship. You begin to appreciate how your conflicts came to exist and how they are benefitting each of you. 

Yes, benefitting you.

You will see how this relationship has taught you more than anything else ever could about yourself and about how you can again find your happy place. 

If you haven’t figured this out yet, this is all about you. It is about the subconscious programs you are running. These programs dictate how you respond to a situation, mostly without your knowledge. These programs are the ones which make you say, without thinking:  He makes me so mad!” or “If only she’d change, then everything would be alright”.

The best news is, it’s not just all about what your partner is or is not doing. It’s about you learning to take back your power of response. But first we need to look at where you lost that power.

Below is a free e-book for you that explains a bit more. It shows you how the you got to this place in your life and how it is actually a good thing that you recognise it.

If you find that helpful, then you might want to take it to the next level and book a free 15 minute online appointment to talk to me about how I can help you and your partner explore your relationship at a deeper level. Just click on the link below to book a suitable time for you.

Thank you for taking the time to watch this and I look forward to joining you on your quest to self-discovery.

Book a Free 15-Minute Consultation.